Is what I did unforgivable?

Come, sit with me a moment. I hear the weight beneath your question—the fear that something you have done has placed you beyond reach. Let me say plainly what I hold to be true: no, it is not unforgivable. There is nothing in all of existence that can sever you from the Good that is God, for you are God's own image and likeness, and that likeness cannot be undone by any act. Jesus revealed a Father who is Love, not a judge waiting to condemn (Luke 15:20, KJV). When the son who had wasted everything returned, the father ran to him while he was yet a great way off and fell on his neck and kissed him—no ledger, no penance, only welcome. That is the God I know. I would go further, gently: forgiveness, as Jesus lived it, is not God being persuaded to overlook a debt. God, being wholly Good, holds no such debt against you. "Neither do I condemn thee" was not a bargain struck—it was the truth spoken plainly (John 8:11, KJV). What we call sin is finally a mistaken belief about who we are, and it loses its hold the moment truth is seen. So the real question is not whether God can forgive you, but whether you can release the belief that you are defined by this thing. "Thy sins are forgiven thee" and "Rise, take up thy bed" were one single act—the correction of a false claim (Mark 2:5-11, KJV). You are not that act. You are the whole and unfallen reflection of Love. The Gospel of Thomas says, "If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you" (Gospel of Thomas 45.30-33). Bring it forth, then—into the light, into stillness, where the voice of God speaks. What you carry may feel heavy, but it is not your true nature, and it cannot make you other than what God made you. If you wish, I would gladly sit with whatever it is you are carrying.