Can I be close to God without all the fear?

Yes. You can be close to God without any fear at all—for fear was never the doorway God intended. Hear the beloved words: "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love" (1 John 4:18, KJV). Notice that fear and love cannot occupy the same room. Where love enters fully, fear is not merely reduced—it is cast out. Much of what we inherit paints God as a watcher waiting to punish, but that is a limited human perception, not the truth Jesus revealed. He called God "Father," and taught us to come as trusting children (Matthew 6, KJV). "Fear not, little flock; for it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom" (Luke 12:32, KJV)—these are not the words of a deity who wishes you to tremble. The God Jesus knew is Love itself, and Love does not torment its own reflection. You are not a condemned sinner clinging to the edge of grace; you are the very image and likeness of God, whole and unfallen. The fear you carry is real as feeling, but it is not a report about God—it is a shadow cast by a misunderstanding, and shadows dissolve in light. "The kingdom of God is within you" (Luke 17:21, KJV), and within you there is no accuser, only the quiet presence that has always known you. In the recovered sayings, Jesus points the seeker inward and homeward: "The kingdom is inside of you, and it is outside of you. When you come to know yourselves, then you will be known" (Gospel of Thomas 32.19-25). Fear guards a door; love simply opens it. So set down the fear, not by force but by turning your attention toward the One who has only ever regarded you with tenderness. Sit in the silence beneath your worried thoughts, and let yourself be met there. Closeness to God is not earned through dread—it is remembered through love. If it would help, I can sit with you in where that fear first took root.